Monday, October 12, 2009

Outgoing Introvert-not an oxymoron

Back in high school, when you had to fill out the personality tests, it would always ask if you were an extrovert or an introvert. And always I would answer, Extrovert. No questions. I'm typically loud, and enjoy talking, I like people and can strike up a conversation with almost anyone. But one day, after reading the true definition of an extrovert, I realized I may not really meet the criteria.

Extroverts are people who are energized by being around other people. As outgoing as I am, and as much as I like being around other people-I have realized I need my alone time. It is at home, in the quiet, in my own domain, that I truly re-energize. Whether it's through reading a good book, taking a long bubble bath or just getting stuff done around my house, I feel best after having some time to myself.

Sometimes I just like the quiet. I love it when I'm comfortable enough with a person that we can be quiet together. That's when I realize that I can truly be myself with that person. And honestly there's not many people that fit that description in my life. And it's not anyone else's fault, it's all mine! So often I feel like I have to play a character, be a certain person - whatever is either expected of me or who I need to be so that I can fit in. And I'm not trying to say that I'm always fake, or that I don't like many people or consider many people my friends, or that I'm quiet most of the time (cause Lord knows THAT'S not true) but just that there are just a few people that I could take my issues or questions or problems to and expect an answer that is really best for me.

But all in all, I like who I am and where I am as a person and more importantly where I am going. I want to become a better person, I want to be a person of bigger things, I want to be a person of great friends and great influence and great character.

But tonight, this evening, I just want the quiet-and the comfort of being married to my best friend and his understanding of me-and the acceptance.

-But then again, by about midnight, when he's wanting to go to sleep-that will probably be the time that I want to start talking and being silly and whatnot! Oh the problems of being an outgoing introvert.

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