The last that I talked to my realtor, it's looking like we are not going to make our Friday deadline. Which is ok, I wasn't really expecting to close Friday. But still. It sucks. Big Time.
And I've also got the funeral tomorrow for my dad's friend. And it's rough, so rough, I know this kind of stuff happens, but still, it just doesn't seem like it should happen in "my world." All day I have been walking around with an upset stomach, just trying to keep myself from thinking too much about it. If I really let myself go deep into my thoughts, I don't know what I would come up with. I try not to question God "why?", but I am asking "why?" Why him, why now, why in such a horrible way? Life is hard and it sucks and it doesn't make sense, and I can't be oblivious to that, try as I might.
Not only do I grieve for him and his family and the innocence of those close to this tragedy, but I also grieve for something else too, something that I can't quite put a name to. Now I won't act like I've changed-to where I smell the roses and call my friends just to say hi-but I will always have the knowledge of the fact that if Mark and I do have a family, we will be bringing children into a world where senseless things happen. That horrible things can happen to the people closest to us. And I don't want that knowledge. And it is really just making me sick to my stomach.