praying...

Today I am believing in putting it out there, asking for help, and the power of prayer. If you could please say a quick prayer for Mark and I and our family, we would much appreciate it. Thank you!

Quiet

This morning as I was checking my blogroll, I came across a great video shared by Piece of Cake. As I started to listen, I was distracted by what I had on TV. While catching up on all my blogs I also was trying to catch up on all my DVR'd shows. But I had missed a little of what they were saying on "The Talk" so I rewound. But then I missed part of the song that Laura from Piece of Cake shared, so I started her video over. And then I looked up to watch the TV show. Ugh….this wasn't working-so I paused the TV so I could concentrate on the video. Then, I flipped over to some other blogs I had opened on other tabs. But then I thought, no I want to see this video. So I went back to Piece of Cake's blog to watch the video while listening, but before I knew it I had opened up the latest game of Spider Solitaire that I always have going.

I mean seriously, it was if I was incapable of slowing down and focusing on one thing at the time. Why? What is wrong with my generation? I always have the computer up while I'm watching TV. Or maybe I'm reading a book. While in the truck with Mark, I'm reading or playing crossword on my Kindle instead of just talking. And when I do dishes or am cleaning – the TV's on for at least some background noise, or I've got the music blaring.

Now, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with listening to some music while you're cleaning…but my point is that it is never quiet. I am never solely concentrating on what it is I'm doing. It seems like even when I have my iTunes pulled up on my computer just so I can clean dishes, I'm also thinking about my playlist and maybe searching for a song, or maybe buying a new song.

At the Radio Station, I always have the radio going. It's always playing into my right ear. And when I first started working here, it took a little getting used to. So by the time I left from work, I would leave and just shut my radio off in my car and just drive home in silence. It was a wonderful, peaceful feeling. That feeling of quietness. And it's something that I need to WORK to find more often. So right now, I'm asking you to pause the TV (tell your husband I told you to do it). Don't open another browser or another tab. Don't start thinking about what's for supper, or what's on your grocery list, and don't look at the ledge that needs to be dusted. Just sit and be still….

Now, listen to this. Listen to each word.

Just keep swinging, just keep swinging

Well I finally did it….I got off my ass-and off this damn computer- and went running. I went to the dirt road a little down the way from us and ran "flat mile." Mark told me it's probably a 2 ½ mile roundtrip from our house. I estimated it at about 7 or 10 miles. I haven't measured it yet though to be sure, because I can't get my legs working long enough to get all the way out to my car to go drive it.

I didn't take my iPod with me, and so I was forced to sing to myself to help keep me going. I tried all those tricks I had from back when I was in 8^th grade running the two-mile for track. Yes, I even sang the President song that I learned back in 5^th grade. I kept picturing the mother of one of my classmates, yelling at me "Just keep swinging your arms!" And so I did, I kept swinging and singing the President song, repeating my memory verses for the Beth Moore Scripture challenge. And yet, it seemed when I would look back up to see the literal end of the road, it had gotten further away.

But I did it, and I'm at least one day in, hopefully with tomorrow I'll be two days into making myself healthier and more importantly, skinnier.

2011 Goals

Screw resolutions, I'm going to try to make actual goals. Goals are measurable statements with a time frame. My time frame will be all of 2010, some shorter. Cause Lord knows that just saying "I'm going to try to be healthier" isn't gonna really make me change anything. So here goes…

Goals for 2011:

1. Lose 20 pounds by my sister's wedding-June 4, 2011
   
2. Memorize 24 verses, as part of Beth Moore's challenge
   
3. Create and keep track of a budget every month (notice I didn't necessarily say "stay within" – I want these goals to be reachable.)
   
4. Finish the basement of our house, and get halfway through either the kitchen or the bathroom-or at least halfway saved up to what it'll cost
   
5. Create and follow a weekly chore list (for me and Mark) because doing a little bit each day is way better than freaking out on the weekend or having a case of the CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome)
   
6. Run a half-marathon (crap I've never told anyone that-but right now, I'm all for putting it out there- you might understand why if you read my last post.)
   
7. Buy a new car-and by new I mean newer than what I have now.
   
8. Be a better wife – ok that one's kinda objective, and might not be measurable….but I'm guessing Mark would have a few things we could count (less fights and more….I'm not gonna say it, but I'm sure you can guess it.)
   
9. Get pregnant, yes another "I'm putting it out there" moment. Prayers for this one from you guys…. And maybe Mark will get a "better wife" this way.
   

That's it. That's what I've got. We'll see where we stand this time next year!

God's Blessings for your New Year!

My secret dream

On Sunday, February 1, 2009 - I wrote in a note on Facebook my "25 Things." Do you remember when everyone did that? 25 random things about yourself. I tried to then further explain and tell 25 random stories on myself on this here blog, but I didn't quite have the follow through. But anyhow, #21 on the FB list states "I secretly would love to have a job on the radio. I love music and talking, so it seems like a natural fit." And so, almost 20 months later, I began my new career at the Radio Station. I have a Marketing/Promotions position, but I also do live remotes, on air "featured businesses", and basically live my dream. I'm not even close to famous, in fact, I still feel like most people have no idea who I am in this town. But sometimes, just admitting to myself, I feel a little bit cooler than I ever had before.

I always knew that I would enjoy working in a radio station. I had considered applying while in college…but different things prevented me from ever doing so, namely confidence in myself. But I had completely forgotten that I had ever put it out there in the world, put it out in a way where others could see it.

And as I laid there that night, in bed, re-reading what my early-2009 self had wrote, I was reminded how amazing it is to have your dreams come true, even those secret dreams that you forget about and don't even consider for yourself anymore. I had at times felt like I really missed out on my calling when I left the Athletic Department, and when the job there didn't pan out the second time. I felt like I was wasting away at my job in the bank, and that I was never going to be able to find my dream job, while still living a life where my husband could follow his dreams as well. It was a stuck feeling, and a feeling of being forgotten.

But more importantly, I was also reminded that I need to have more faith in my God. That He will put me where I need to be when I need it, that He gave me my talents and abilities, so who am I to think that He wouldn't provide a way for me to use them. So while I may have a job where I "get paid to talk" as Mark and I joke, I need to also remember to be quiet more and listen and know that what God has in store for me is better than anything I can imagine for myself.

I was going to write about losing weight, but.....

Somedays I wish that this blog was anonymous. I wish that it wasn't Miranda's Minutes, that is was Girl Unknown's Minutes. I do not think that I am a natural writer, I stress and strain over the words and rhythm. But I enjoy being able to sort things out (maybe just a little) in my head and put it down on paper (or really I should say type it out on the computer-but you know what I mean.) I love to go back a month, a year, to see what I was thinking or what was going on. Granted, I don't have a kid that I can record every milestone, which I think is maybe the most popular reason for these kinds of blogs. But I am pre-kid ( no everyone, I'm not pregnant) and maybe someday I will look back at this time when all I had to worry about was getting myself up and to work, and what color to paint the kitchen.

But there are days when I have so much going on my head that there's no way I can sort it out here, or anywhere. I talk myself in a loop. And there's personal things that I'm not sure that I'm ready to share with the Internet. And maybe it's really not the Internet that scares me, maybe I'm not sure that I'm ready to share it with those close to me outside of the Internet.

And maybe I'm most scared of putting those thoughts out there into complete, understandable sentences (well, hopefully, I shouldn't get too ahead of myself and my grammatical abilities.) It might make them more real and more tangible and more heavy for myself. Yet I feel that if I don't allow myself to feel those depressing, hard thoughts, that maybe I will let myself just float on and someday I will look back and think "If I had only...."

I have prayed that the Lord would give me strength and patience. But the funny thing is, that He would never just give you more strength and more patience-he will give you something to work through and deal with to gain those qualities. And I read these other blogs that have such amazing stories, women who have gone through so much, and I am touched and challenged and encouraged by their stories, these women who have amazing things to say and tell. And I sit here struggling to figure out how to say anything that seems relevant or amusing or even half interesting. And then I pray, Lord-please never give me the challenges that these women have faced, I am not as good as them, and I don't know that I could survive their hardships.

And I feel like He says, don't worry about other people, you have your own story to tell. What will come, will come. Turn only to me, because you never will have the strength alone, but when you turn to me I will hold your hand and wipe your tears when needed. Do not feel useless, because I have much use for you.

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So, this post, this part of my story, turned out nothing like what I started to write. And since I try not to edit out anything that I have said, I will post this-and maybe it'll seem like a bunch of nothing to most of you, but maybe one person will have that same prayer. I am not and never will be an eloquent speaker or prayer or anything, but maybe someone will get it, whatever it is that I'm saying. And maybe this is just for me, so that in a year or five or ten, I will look back and remember what I thought and said, and be able to known then how the Lord has held my hand and wiped my tears and made me useful.